Better Than Me
by MeLaNch0LYdreams
Summary: Die – you will have to die. But die gracefully. I am not saying die like a stoic, I am not saying die like a very controlled man. No, I'm saying die gracefully, beautifully, as if a friend is coming, knocks at your door, and you are happy.104.
1. To attract

**Better than me**

Disclaimer: I do not own Clamp's XXXHoLiC or the song better than me by hinder

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" You are _loved_." the woman said passionately "You will be _missed_." she hurriedly took a quick hit, blowing the cherry sweet tobacco out onto his spectacles. Her employer lowered his mis matched eyes and wiped his spectacles with a linen handkerchief. "Do you have any proof?" he argued calmly, desperation teetering on the edge of hysteria. "Is that a wish?" the smoking witch defended, a garment eye darted to glance at him from under her lashes. The pepper haired youth exhaled slowly through his nose and shut his eyes. "Will you miss me?" he asked shakily, chancing the question. Soft hands cradled his face, willing him to open his eyes. Her ebony hair caressed his face as she gazed level with him. "Yes.' she answered, hiding her face to kiss his forehead. " And I will have loved you." she added,kissing his cheek, dangerously close to the corner of his lips.

Watanuki Kimihiro was a quest before he died. To find the one person who loved him. It was pouring buckets when he arrived at her home, getting lost in the downpour to find her. Who 'she' was, we were about to find out. A balding greasy male answered the door(1). Watanuki tried really hard not to wrinkle his nose at the man's baffling appearance and grotesque stench. He looked down and tried to not make it noticeable that he was staring at the old male's sweat spots dotting his underarms. "Yes?" he said gruffly, narrowing his dark eyes at him in irritance.

"Is Himawari home?" he asked shyly, gulping when the man's man was turned, his profile revealing a beer belly. He wondered if this was her father. "Kunogi!" the male hollered, and Himawari was downstairs in the blink of an eye. She bore a purple tank top and silk blue shorts, her curly hair was laid back, with one side of her hair pulled abruptly to the back with a plain barrette. She bounded down the stair, little ringlets trailing behind her. She looked so perfectly blank that she resembled a certain archer-except she looked almost..._broken_,emotionless even. But when she glanced down at him from the staircase, fresh fear invaded her eyes, and she looked truly frightened. The greasy man left scratching his genitals and with a 'make it quick' he was gone. Icy sheets of rain pelted his back and he hoped she would invite him in, but he wasn't so sure he wanted to come into her home, and neither did she by her body language. When the man left, the smell was replaced by her watermelon scented shampoo, but he could tell there were worse smells blooming inside the house. She seemed comfortable with him shivering in her doorway.

There was a few seconds of silence before he blurted the confession that harboured in his throat since he met her. "I have-.._**feelings **_for you!" he nearly shouted in embarrassment. He shut his eyes, not wanting to see her expression. The silence thickened, and as the scent of watermelon intensified-he opened an eye. Her expression was as blank as before, and she had leaned out the doorway, still not letting him inside. "Your an idiot." she began, and his intuition told him what was coming next."You could do a lot better than me." she shut the door in his face. The rain seemed much colder now as the color drained from his face and the flow of his blood slowed.

He held back a choked sob, muffled by the onslaught of the rain, squeezing his eyes dry. Doumeki Shizuka, the archer from earlier held the umbrella over his back with a passive expression on his face. He looked away, letting the hot tears slide downwards from his eyes. He was offered no comfort, and glad of it. It just wasn't a masculine thing to do. But after a few held in sobs began to break loose, he heard his friend speak for the first time on their trip. "I still love you." Funny, it didn't sound like a joke or anything.

_**To be continued...**_

_A/N: _Hi, classes held me back from updating-just a continuation from a one shot in my personal one shot collection. I will explain the following:

(1) In this universe, Himawari does not live with her parents, but shares a home with a very...indecent landlord. next installment will be explained next chapter, if you want to read it. thanks for one of my readers for suggesting I write a one shot because of my style of writing. Thank you!

(BTW: this will be a three shot)


	2. To find

**Better Than Me**

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She seemed the picture of reluctance with her hands grasping air,ruby eyes harboring regret, her body language depicting her anxiety. "Farewell." she smiled lazily, one half of her mouth upturned in a half smile that lacked fervor. It seemed to quiver as he turned his back on the older woman. Ever since the almost kiss they had shared, he had kept her at a distance and even now stood seven feet away. His limbs felt heavy and weak from exertion, a side effect of approaching death. His time was coming, and what better way to die an old man in a boy's body. In fact, he had better make haste. "Tell him goodbye!" she yelled in a high pitched holler. he did not have to ask who 'he' was. He just knew. He lowered his Sapphire and gold eyes, smiling to himself. He had many goodbyes to say today.

The tread to the temple was a difficult one. Summer had burned out, with a chilling fall to take its place. He shivered and the wracking of his shoulders forced a painful phlegm-filled cough into his palm. He withdrew his hand to wipe of the mucus only to stare at the crimson fluid spewed from his index finger to wrist. It was not the first time he had coughed blood and felt as vulnerable, and was strictly reminded of the time had had delivered his last bentou to the spirit woman. The fragility of his health pushed him to his limits, leaving his limbs weak and sore, cold with the absence of his Cross Private uniform jacket, and lightheaded,so lightheaded. At the memory of his near death experience, he found himself trying to ignore an arduous migraine. he pressed his (nearly blue) lips together in irritation and pushed himself off of his knees with a strenuous effort. He temporarily forgot hygiene as he spat onto his palm and wiped on the pant leg of his uniform. He stumbled several steps before the sight stopped him in his tracks.

She sat under the blooming sakura tree, several of its petals disappearing in a flurry resembling Sakura's magic. The young girl sat with her eyes closed, bentou on her lap and long flowing blond hair cascading downwards and brushing the grass. Her closed eyes brought notice to the band aid worn on her creased brow, as if she was in distress. Her shoulders trembled slightly, he assumed it was from cold because of the simple long sleeved dress she wore and the pink overall covering. Automatically he felt worry for the young girl. " Good afternoon Kohane? Are you eating lunch?" he asked conversationally, plopping down beside her, leaning on his elbows. He immediately forgot his question, sitting down felt so _relieving. _when she opened her eyes, he wished he hadn't said anything at all. Her Columbia blue eyes looked glassy and transparent. If she was going to cry, it looked the perfect time. upon seeing his equally glassy and transparent face, her hands started to shake, the bentou in her hands amplifying the sound of it. He decided to ignore it. "Nice day we're having right? Did you have lunch yet?" it was horrible weather, and it was way past lunch. he had just wanted her to reply. He did not care how false he looked right now.

"Yes it is." she said evenly, as if sarcasm was too overdone for her. She removed the lid carefully and he glanced at it. Tamagoyaki and croquettes. There were way too many, and all looked fattened,lopsided,and unshapely. To his great surprise she passed it to him. "I already had lunch. This is for you." she bent her head forward, hiding her face as she held it out to him, fearing that her expression would betray what her words could not. He felt awestruck by her kindness and smiled the same way he did when he turned his back on Yuuko. As he pushed off of his elbows to thank her, he was rewarded with a slap.

Not those weak slaps, it was hot and stung, and would cause definite bruising. His smile widened, as if unfazed by the assault to his cheek. "Don't smile like that." he was reminiscent of Shizukasaying that once, and was reminded of his rival once more. _'Tell him goodbye!' _his employer's voice echoed. "Like what?" he asked, grinning widely. It looked so false and obvious on his face that he thought Kohane would slap him again. He closed his eyes to hide his sadness as he did this, much like Kohane had done when he had seen her. But that had failed him as a piece of over sweetened sushi was shoved down his throat as if her chopsticks were her weapon alone. His sapphire eyes widened and he sputtered and choked until he was free of the sickeningly sweet violation. He held his throat and glared at Kohane who smiled in satisfaction. She resembled his rivals in many ways with this action, and already he began to chastise her. "Kohane-chan!-" more tamagoyaki was forced into his throat. "I sweetened it too much but that's because oba-san did not label the spices, and I did not know how you liked it and.." she explained nonchalantly as if she was not violently force feeding him.

"if I promise to eat this will you stop trying trying to choke me with your chopstick weapons?" he plead honestly, and for the first time in a long one, he had seen her genuinely smile at him. She nodded and held out a miniscule piece of croquette on her chopsticks. he sighed and let himself be fed(gently this time.) As the streets grew with its occupants, they received mixed reviews from the patrons passing by. Some mumbled 'pedophelia' while others turned blind eyes and took to blatant ignorance. All of which brought heat and color to his paper white skin, which the eleven year old was glad to see. So it was a win-win?

The sun began to dip, and he knew he needed to leave. She tried to get him to finish, but he pat his belly and said he was full. True, although more than half of the bentou was not touched and that he could not keep any more sugar down. She also sensed this and as he turned around to bade her goodbye-the last goodbye, she tackled him. her hug was strong and overbearing, nearly squeezing all of the near life that remained in his fragile body. "Goodbye Kimihiro-kun." she whispered, burrowing her face into his shoulder. Her words not carrying gentle warmth of a moment, but a hot statement. She was no longer just Kohane anymore. She was a woman. And that woman stole his first real kiss.

He had trouble walking with the tightness in his belly, the weakness of his body, and the blurring of his sight brought on by his migraine. The weight of Kohane ontop of him earlier did not help much either. he felt shortness of breath, and not the shortness from when he was with Kohane and had kissed her back. He was panting, and not cold anymore. he was hot, hotter than the eleven year old's breath in his ear. Hotter than the desire he had wanted to explore earlier, and he was not a pedophile like the onlookers had said before.

The base of the Shinto shrine always had those long escalating cement stairs. He knew he would never make climbing up those steps to see Doumeki. However in luck, because the stoic male donned a hakama and was sweeping the steps. He gulped like a frightened animal, and Doumeki must have had hunters instincts for he had turned his faraway golden eyes to look down at him, and that's when the headlights spotlighed him and the truck came barrelling forwards.


	3. To realize

**HI!  
**

**As you know, Better than me is obviously completed. However-please don't click that button that allows you to exit this page! If _Anyone _approved of the final pairing (Watanuki and Kohane) than you may like this. I am not updating Addicted or The stra crossed Hillarity because I want to be done with vampires, which I can not write about anyways and get into writing some better stuff . Plus, everyone is writing about them and I don't want to be compared. **

**I am still staying in the supernatural field though!**

**I have an original story slash fanfic called : The Shopkeeper's Concubine. You can add two and two by reading the title and the above pairing. I'll let that sink in.**

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**But I know what you may be thinking and I promise this to be an _interesting _read if you give it a try!**

**So please vote in reviews if you want to read a summary or snippets so far. Or atleast hopefully.  
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